Lonely
by yaoininja
Summary: EdxRoy drabbles, named after the first story. Implied sex and angsty short stories chapter 7 is up!
1. Lonely

**Okay, this fanfic means a lot to me so please R&R!**

**This is not a song fic, but it would be better if you listened to "Lonely" by Akon on youtube while you read this.**

**Song I was listening to when I wrote this: Lonely by: Akon (that explains a lot :'(**

I sat by the river, waiting. This is where I used to meet you used to meet you. Before…

I can't stop myself from coming there every morning, expecting to see you coming over the hill at any moment. But you didn't come. You never did. How could you? Edward Elric sat curled up in a little ball, silent tears flowing down his face. How long had it been? It seemed like just yesterday, and at the same time it felt like forever. How could you do this? Just leave me here, all alone.

The ceremony was nice. Every one cried, but not me. It was all so sudden, I was so sure you would just get up and say "just kidding." That would be so like you. But you never did. And when they began to lower your casket into the dirt, like unwanted trash, I had to resist every urge to jump on your coffin and stop them. And I did. I often wake up and find myself leaning against your headstone. You're still a pretty good listener.

Everyone keeps telling me its okay. But it's not okay. How can they say that? It will never be okay. Why did you go…why did it have to be this way? Out of all the things that you've been through…something so simple ended it all. Life is so fragile…we should have been more careful. If that truck…if you didn't push me out of the way…if you didn't care about me so damn much, you would still be here!

I hated you for a while. I hated you because I felt abandoned. I hated you because I'm so damn lonely. I hated you…I hated you because I loved you. But now, I love you just as much as ever. I miss you so much, you could never imagine. People were against what we had, but it didn't matter because we had each other. But what now?

Everywhere I go, I can hear them whispering. I often think that I'm going crazy. Maybe I am. And so, I find myself here again. I could just hear you know. "_You know, you can' keep coming here every time you have a problem_." Sarcastic bastard, even though I was an adult you still treated me like a child and kept up the short jokes, even though I was eye level with your nose. But now, I would give anything to hear a joke, to hear your voice…to feel your touch again.

Do you remember the first time? Sure it was awkward, and painful at that, but that is one of the memories I cherish most. You know that, don't you? We knew each other so well, we could practically finish each others sentences. In fact, I remember one time when I did that all day, but I would purposefully get them wrong.

_"Ed, I have to go to-"_

_"the zoo!"_

_"No, Ed, to work. I'll be back-"_

_"next month!"_

_"No Ed! Later! I will be back later! It's so annoying when you finish my-"_

_"sandwiches!"_

_"GYAAHH! NO!" _

I can't help but laugh at that memory. It's just one of the many things I will remember forever. But now, it's getting dark and it's getting cold and it's getting lonelier every second and I just wish you would come back and everything would be the same again and I wouldn't have to spend every night without you. I never thought of ever being with anyone but you. The truth is…I'm not really attracted to guys. There was only you. I can never picture myself with another man, and I never really did picture myself with a woman, so that leaves…no one. So there's no one for me? There was, but you are gone now.

I was never a religious person, but now that you're gone it makes me cry to think that you are just 'gone' and that's it. You're body is in the ground, and your soul…? Where did it go? Is it still…here? Or did it go someplace else? Is there someplace else to go? Now I can't just think that when you die, that that's the end. Because if that's true…I will never be with you again. So this Sunday, I am going to a place I haven't been in before. I am going to church, so salvage what is left of _my_ soul. Because I need something to believe in, because when you left it shattered my belief system.

Brigadier General Roy Mustang, it has been 5 years since you passed. I had been 18, and I thought I had gone through hell. But I didn't know the half of it.

**I know! Angsty, huh? I was listening to that song and it just came to me. I kinda cried while I was writing, I was like "why, cruel world! Why did you take him away!" But hey, I did write it. Please R&R and visit my message board to cherish the moments while they're still here! Edxroysanctuary.proboards82. com**


	2. Lover I Don't Have To Love

**Okay, this was originally a oneshot, but now I will turn it into drabbles. I already have another drabble story going on, but all of these are unrelated and are a bit angsty. Please review!!!**

**Disclaimer: not mine!**

**I was listening to Lover I don't have to love by bright eyes**

Lover I don't have to love  
Water  
carbon,  
ammonia  
lime  
phosphorus  
salt  
saltpeter  
sulfur  
fluorine  
iron  
silicon

You are made in this way.  
In layman's terms,  
A simple body…

A piece of flesh  
Only with automail attached  
Just a vessel

There is no soul here

Flesh on flesh  
Colliding, connecting,  
Our nerves stimulated, releasing adrenaline  
Obviously the body responds without meaning  
For a body, that is just natural…

Reaction

"Not yet."

"Is my cooperation even necessary?"

"That's not it."

"Why am I even doing this?  
I only cooperate because you're the colonel…And it's not like I need to pay a price…  
I don't feel that I owe you anything."

Guess you could say nothing is scarier than accepting a free thing

Nothing

I don't have to think about anything  
It's just a meaningless association

Unnaturally  
Normal

There is nothing for me to worry about

"Later, then."

But then he kissed me

"Stop!"

Stop

Don't show me that…  
That feeling of caring…

Al…  
Don't look  
Within me


	3. Turned Away

**Sorry! I forgot to put in this in the disclaimer: That last chapter wasn't mine, I wrote down the words from a manga I have. The manga is sinful contact, it's EdxRoy and it's not mine.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine! But this story is!**

Turned Away

Edward stood before the flame, tears welling up in his eyes.

"But…" he said, unable to speak anymore.

"I said go. These feelings you have…they are unacceptable. Just leave, fullmetal."

Ed felt his tears spill over the edge, flowing down his cheeks.

"But I love you!" he shouted, clenching hid fists.

"Please…don't make me go," he said, falling to his knees.

Roy, who had been looking out the window for some time now, turned his chair to look at the boy.

"That was an order, fullmetal," he said strictly, staring the blond straight in the eyes.

Ed shakily stood up, and looked at him through his tears.

He opened his mouth to say something, but instead shut his eyes tight, hoping that this was all a dream.

He slowly turned around, and began walking towards the door.

"If I go…I'm never coming back," he said, his voice cracking.

Roy stayed silent, and so he slipped out the door and closed it quietly.

Roy turned his chair back to the window, and a few minutes later he saw Ed walk out the front doors of HQ and out across the street.

He silently put his fingers up to the window, staring longingly after the blond.

"I'm sorry. I hope that one day you can understand. But this…could never be…" he said, silent tears flowing down his face.

"I love you, too."


	4. Goodbye My Lover

**Okay! Another chapter w00t! Okay, peoples, I know my drabbles are a bit depressing, but sometimes you need a depressing story, like for overly-happy people. Please review and join my site! Edxroysanctuary.proboards82 .com**

**Disclaimer: FMA is not mine but this story is!**

**Okay, this is a song fic...kinda. Meh **

Goodbye My Lover

Roy turned on his stereo. He set it to their song. The song he had picked a long time ago, after Ed had gone through the gate, to be their song. He closed his eyes and listened.

_Did I disappoint you _

_or let you down?  
_

_Should I be feeling guilty _

_or let the judges frown?  
_

_'Cause I saw the end _

_before we'd begun,  
_

_Yes I saw you were blinded _

_and I knew I had won.  
_

_So I took what's mine _

_by eternal right.  
_

_Took your soul out _

_into the night.  
_

_It may be over _

_but it won't stop there,  
_

_I am here for you_

_if you'd only care.  
_

_You touched my heart you touched my soul.  
_

_You changed my life and all my goals.  
_

_And love is blind and that I knew when,  
_

_My heart was blinded by you.  
_

_I've kissed your lips and held your head.  
_

_Shared your dreams and shared your bed.  
_

_I know you well, I know your smell.  
_

_I've been addicted to you.  
_

_Goodbye my lover.  
_

_Goodbye my friend.  
_

_You have been the one.  
_

_You have been the one for me.  
_

_I am a dreamer but when I wake,  
_

_You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.  
_

_And as you move on, remember me,  
_

_Remember us and all we used to be  
_

_I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.  
_

_I've watched you sleeping for a while.  
_

_I'd be the father of your child.  
_

_I'd spend a lifetime with you.  
_

_I know your fears and you know mine.  
_

_We've had our doubts but now we're fine,  
_

_And I love you, I swear that's true.  
_

_I cannot live without you.  
_

_Goodbye my lover.  
_

_Goodbye my friend.  
_

_You have been the one.  
_

_You have been the one for me.  
_

_And I still hold your hand in mine.  
_

_In mine when I'm asleep.  
_

_And I will bear my soul in time,  
_

_When I'm kneeling at your feet.  
_

_Goodbye my lover.  
_

_Goodbye my friend.  
_

_You have been the one.  
_

_You have been the one for me.  
_

_I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.  
_

_I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow._

Silent tears rolled down his face, as he set the finished note on the small table next to him. A long time ago, he had said that maybe even a life like his could do some good. And now things were better, the fuehrer had been brought down, and the homunculi were gone. Slowly, he pulled the pistol up to his head. "Goodbye my lover," he said, then pulled the trigger.


	5. From A Shell

**I haven't updated in like forever so yeah please review more angst!**

**Disclaimer: Not mine **

From A Shell

He woke up, and felt the warm mass next to him stir.  
"You're still here." It was more of a statement than a question. Ed felt a sting of pain in his chest.  
"Yeah," he said, sliding his feet off the side of the bed and sitting up.  
"I was just really tired I guess…I'm going." He said as he stood up and began to dress. The older man still on the bed gave a half shrug and seemed to fall back asleep. They had been doing this off and on for months, one night stands every once in a while when they were especially lonely.

He took a deep breath and slid on his jacket. They had a silent agreement, but somehow…he wanted more. This man was not cruel or unfeeling, just slightly indifferent towards the blonde. Even though the kinds of things they did together…no, to each other, there was a slight awkwardness at the office between them. Why couldn't…he love him back? He feared that if the man knew that the boy held this sort of emotion for him, he would stop the arrangement altogether. And something was better than nothing.

He glanced back once more at the man in the bed, and felt a certain affection for the flame. Maybe, it would have been better to never had started this sort of one sided love relationship with the colonel, because it was torture being so close and not having the sort of passion he longed for. He wanted him to hold him, to protect him, because being with him made him more vulnerable than he had ever felt in his life.

He reached for the doorknob, and stopped.

"Why…?"  
Nothing. Then Roy rolled over and looked at the boy.  
"Huh?" he said in a groggy voice, rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hand. Ed turned to face him now.  
"Why are we doing this? What's the point?"  
Stop. Stop talking.  
The Flame looked at him for what seemed to be an eternity, all the time Edward's heart was beating so rapidly he thought he would pass out.  
"You don't have to do this, Edward. I thought it was something that benefited both of us," he said, sitting up and leaning on his elbow.  
This man didn't even try to give him a reason, a reason to continue this arrangement. Ed meant nothing to him.  
"You…you bastard!" Ed yelled and smacked a vase off of the table near to the door. No. It ends here.  
Tears flowed down his cheeks as small beads of blood dropped to the hardwood floor. He has smacked the vase with his left hand. Despite Ed's actions, Roy's face showed that of concern.  
Ed, you're bleeding," he said ad he quickly leaped off the bed and came to his aid.

"Don't touch me!" he screamed and he flinched away. Roy stopped in place, looking hurt.  
"I don't mean anything to you! Why would you even care if I'm bleeding! You wouldn't care if I died!"  
He turned and quickly yanked open the door, and ran out. Roy ran after, and grabbed him by his left wrist, mindful of his bleeding hand. He pulled him into his arms and held on firmly. Ed could only gaze, shocked, into his eyes.  
"Edward…what would make you think that you don't mean anything to me?" And with that, he leaned in to kiss Ed. Ed just stood there, then hesitantly leaned into the kiss and let himself be held by this man.

There is love to be found.

**Haha! Something a bit happier than normal for this string of short stories, ne? Okay whatever please review!!! I am taking requests for stories so please message me!**


	6. Major Elric

Okay, fine, I don't care if I get reviews

**Been kinda dead for a while…my internet's not working, figures…well, when this finally gets posted, please enjoy **

**Disclaimer: Not mine**

Major Elric

Roy stood silently, the world moving around him. Time seemed to slow down and speed up at the same time. He wouldn't cry. He stood, tall and proud, like a true soldier. But inside he felt the shame and guilt. He felt like he could have done more.

The ceremonial rifles fired, and everyone saluted, including him, as the soldiers carried out the empty casket. Only a few choice people knew it held no body. And only a few people chose to believe the missing body was alive and somewhere out there. The casket was set down, and Roy felt the floodgates wearing thin. He would not cry.

They slowly began to lower the casket into the freshly dug up earth, and it was then that Roy knew that to this world, Edward Elric was dead. Wherever he had gone, whether he was alive or not, in this time and place it did not matter. He was dead here.

_My love, where are you now?_

If only he would have known that that time, out on the road, would have been the last time he saw him…he would have done it differently. Even with Riza, one of his dear friends, there and watching, he would have kissed him. For the first and last time, he would have done it a million times over. But now…how had it all gone so wrong?

He heard a sniffle to his right, and saw Gracia standing there, holding Elysia to her side, clutching a handkerchief to her face. He couldn't help but be reminded of a similar situation. He walked over and silently set a hand on her shoulder, and she looked at him with a thankful look. He looked at the burial plot as they began to shovel dirt on to it, and he squeezed his eyes tight.

_My love…you have achieved what no one has. You have brought back your beloved brother, given him a body. He is what you have to show for your life, your sacrifices, and he is indeed a reward to be proud of. A job well done, my love._

As the last shovel full of dirt was placed slowly on to the plot, the soldier stood back silently and bowed. Everyone did the same, but not Roy. He stood there, clutching a silver watch in his grip. He opened it, reading the familiar inscription inside.

_My love, you were so hard headed and determined, you wouldn't have withstood people bowing at you when you were here, why at your memory? This watch…it was like your verse of life, it kept you driven. Driven by your mistakes. It seems it is the only thin I have left of you, how silly of me to keep it like this…One more thing, my love, my life, my greatest joy. I will watch over Alphonse, for you, and because I know you would kick my ass in my dreams if I didn't, but believe me, it is my honor. I hope one day you will be delivered back to me, my love, but I won't hold my breath._

**I rather liked this chapter, not quite so angsty, more nostalgic than anything. I hope you liked it, please review, it makes me happeh inside )**


	7. Arrangements

**Here's another chapter, hope you enjoy it! This one's a bit more hopeful, so to speak**

Arrangements

The boy grunted as he shifted himself, trying for a better position. The man above him smirked and gripped his hips tighter, trying to still the blond.

"You know, this hardly seems like a favor since we both seem to benefit. Perhaps a different arrangement should be made."

The smaller of the two froze, if only for a moment, then scoffed.

"Bastard, you already know then guidelines. It's very ungentlemanly to go back on your word," he retorted, gasping slightly as the Colonel began to move. The older man chuckled at this.

"This seems very ironic, coming from you."

The younger one contemplated this for a moment, then grinned. "So what do you suppose we do, then? We both need something here, colonel," he paused at this to grunt and shift more onto his side, then resumed his point. "In this way, we both get what we want. I'd much rather not to resort to tainting myself, but I need information and you need your sick kicks. Don't get me wrong, I'm not exactly complaining, but it just seems that on it's own, this is more trouble than it's worth."

The dark haired man rose an eyebrow at the younger, the shifted his weight more onto his arms and became a bit faster. "That's a very interesting point there, Fullmetal, but consider this; could you really go back from this? It's easy enough to stay away, but can you get away from it now that you know that, deep down, you crave this?" and with that, he drove deeper down into the boy, earning a surprised cry from him.

"Bastard…don't give yourself so much credit," he grated out, fisting the sheets beneath him.

"Oh, and here's the kicker," the Flame said as he felt himself nearing his limit. "I would have given you any information you asked for, regardless our little arrangement. I really do admire you, you know." With that last mention, he felt himself go over the edge, Edward following shortly after.

As they lay panting in the afterglow, trying to regain their senses, Edward looked over at Roy and smiled.

"I really admire you too, bastard."


End file.
